My sweet boy is currently upstairs napping peacefully. There are few things more beautiful than watching him sleep.
For some parents, nap time is also a peaceful and restful time for them. I envy those who can nap. However this is not the case for me.
During wake time Ben and I play and sing and read and learn and he also helps me with chores and errands. I carry him in his Ergo through the grocery store or while I'm putting away dishes. He'll sit next to me in a stroller if I am starting dinner or working on my latest homegrown cooking project. And it all takes just a little bit longer with a baby on your hip. And that is okay.
its when nap time hits that I fall into a frantic mode, of "what can I get done quickly in the shortest amount of time that I can't get done with Ben on my hip". There are so many things that I want to do that it can become almost paralyzing where to start, especially when you do not know how much time we are working with...20 minutes to 3 hours: fix lunch, work on laundry, write blog, make appointments, check on whatever else was cooking, check e-mail, work on music for ICA conference, work out, do eval write up for work, look up this thing for youth ministry, clean up the play mess we made earlier, wipe down counters, clean bathrooms with bleach products, cut back bushes, plant bulbs...and the list goes on and on. A list of "should"s
I do that a lot. You know, "should" all over myself.
I get caught up in all of the things I should do rather than just lower the anxiety and enjoy the moment. Enjoy the quiet. Be okay with getting maybe 2 things accomplished rather than 15. As if not doing 15 things makes me less of a person. Its just never enough.
I can blame my upbringing a little bit. I mean my mom raised 3 kids while maintaining a small farm and working anywhere between 1-3 jobs and keeping house and trying to enjoy her hobbies and pay bills and all the other things that working single moms do. I wonder if I ever saw her rest.
And I have been used to the working, going to school, planning a wedding, taking care of mom, doing homework, volunteering, etc all at the same time. Perhaps all of these experiences have prepared me for parenthood.
But even so when I look at those years, they all passed by so darn fast. those working college years. the years with mom. Can you believe I've been married for 7 years? These upcoming years will not pass any slower. And if I don't slow down, I will miss them.
And I want to maintain my home and goals. Its a balancing act for sure.
And with whatever time I have left of naptime today, I shall head to the basement and work out on the elliptical with my kindle. and the tv on. and my ipod. Cause thats just how I roll.
Have I really learned a thing?