On being a mom

We are 2 weeks in. A lifetime left to go.

Let me just say that I love this little bugger. He is insanely cute, a sweet sweet boy and have thanked God every day these past 2 weeks for him. Its fun to conjure up little dreams for who he will be.

Has it been challenging so far, of course. The hardest part is trying to figure out what the crying is all about. If its not being hungry, needing a diaper change or to be burped, its just that general fussiness time of day (which so far has changed daily). Bill, being the natural problem solver thinks that there has to be an answer, a way to get him to stop. I know that sometimes he just needs to cry through it, and so far have just held or walked him through it if no answer can be found. And he does then eventually sleep. Then I get to sleep.

I can actually deal with the crying just fine. Its more for me worrying that its keeping Bill up, especially with his return to work tomorrow. I want to make sure that he is able to do what he needs at work as well as at home and want to help him to succeed. Bill has been a great father and sharing the responsibilities. Maybe its a mom thing or just my own issue, but I just feel like it is my responsibility to be the first to get to him. But when Bill says "I've got him", I do not protest.

I will be going back to work in about 2 months. For me it will be part time, 2 days a week, and am really lucky to have a fantastic daycare option down the street. Its so hard to even conceive of that notion since everything is so minute by minute right now. Leaving him at all. Having all the supplies, including milk pumped enough ahead of time ready. But right now nothing seems as important as looking out for this little guy. Watching him grow, bonding, etc. However I know for me to be the best mom I can be, I need to allow myself to work in the world a little, both for our finances but for my own self-esteem, sanity, personal beliefs and to keep something on my resume. I am really lucky that my work schedule options are pretty flexible. Except Mondays. Also my bosses are extremely accommodating and understanding.

I've also enjoyed spreading out the visits for those who want to come and meet my little guy. I like showing him off, even if he's just sleeping the whole time. And I look forward to the ones we have scheduled.

This is going to be quite the adventure. A learning process one day, one hour at a time. Its a new wilderness I have never explored and, well, I kind of like adventures. I wish I had been braver earlier in life with adventures and travel (stupid finances!) , but there is nothing quite like this. Good Luck me and Good Luck Ben.