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Monday, February 20, 2012

15 years

So I just realized that this year marks 15 years since I graduated high school.

Good old St. Charles, home of the "fighting Saints"

15 years? seriously?

That is now less than half of my life.

Not that I would be attending a reunion even if they were going to have one. Of the 700+ people I went to high school with, is there a single one I speak to with any regularity? no. and Facebook doesn't count. Neither does my cousin.

What freaks me out, and I'm sure will freak me out even more in the future, is that I still feel like I am 20. Or younger. And to be sure I am immature in many ways. Yet, when I look at my life, its so "adult". I now have a husband, a house, a kid, a masters degree, a career, etc.

I guess all that this really means for me is that life really is that short. What will I do with that time? In another 15 years Ben will be in high school. What kind of parent will I be to him in that time? What will my family look like? What other contributions will I have made to the small world around me, positive or negative? Will my job as a counselor expand, improve, move in a whole different direction? Will I be more self aware, self-assured, and less self-centered.

Man I think about myself 15 years ago and I just see a blank mind, floating, with no direction, but wanting something, unable to express what that something was. Will I say something similar in15 years?

I will however say that I have grown a tremendous amount in these past 15. I have accomplished a lot, made a lot of mistakes and lived some life. I'm no where near what I imagined, and that is a good thing. I have a good life. I would like to have the next 15 lived with less hesitation. More gumption. More brave.

It will travel fast, hopefully not too fast. But lets bring it on.

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