Saturday, May 11, 2013

mothers day slump

If you know me, you know that I love holidays. I relish any opportunity I have to celebrate. Not so much that I celebrate in big ways, parties and all. But some way to make an occasion or a person special and meaningful or just plain fun.

I feel as though Mother's Day should be this for me.

Becoming a mother has become one of life's greatest joys. I feel as though I am lucky and blessed to have this role, this title. Like I should be the one celebrating, instead of others celebrating me.

Yet my heart is heavy.

Mid-April through mid-June has become my own private season of grief. April was my mom's birthday. Then  Mother's Day in May, then June, Father's Day, is when my mom departed this life. And its those markers and anniversaries that tend to be really hard. I know of one other person, besides my sisters, who will have a similar season now. And I am keeping that person in my thoughts and prayers.

The thing is I miss my mom.

And this year, as a mom, there have been particular aspects that have been difficult to not have my own mom to go to. Experiences  questions, that it seems everyone else takes for granted. For example, if you have been able to do or say any of the following, I am desperately jealous of you:
- My mom comes by to watch the kids for a few hours
- My mom and I went out to lunch/go shopping/to a show
- I spoke to my mom on the phone today
- I asked my mom her parenting advice on: ______
- I wondered how I was as a kid in this area so I asked my mom: ______
- I went shopping for a mothers day gift for my mom today
- I just love seeing how wonderful my mom is with my kids
- My mom came to see Bobby's recital/baked cookies/had us over for a family dinner...

To be fair, if my mom was still around, I would not be able to say many of these things. She was very sick for a very long time. And her physical and mental capabilities would not have allowed her to perform many tasks or maybe even answer some questions. And it would be very difficult. But she would still be here. And look upon my son with adoring eyes. I would have her presence.

This is not meant to be a pity party, although I know it sounds like one.

I guess what I want, hope, is
1. to be real
2. to encourage you to love on your mommas while they are here, in whatever form or fashion
3. change the mood of this to something positive now that I have Debbie Downed on you all...

I know that my momma would not want me to spend Mother's Day all sad and depressed. I know that she would want me to spend it loving on my family. Being the matriarch, a source of strength and love and hope and guidance to my family.  Even when its a hard day. And motherhood has its fair share of those.

One thing that has helped me tremendously over the past 2 weeks to focus on my role as momma is a devotional by, surprise, surprise, Jen Hatmaker. In all seriousness, if you are a Christian mother, this is a breath of fresh air. A cup of cold water. its called "Out of the Spin Cycle: Devotions for Lightening Your Load". Just a few minutes, each day to focus on what is really important, lift up your family and encourage you to be a great momma and have a few laughs.

It is a privilege to be wife and mother to these guys

I look forward to a day to be with my family. Besides the normal Sunday stuff, we plan wander the Wilmot Market, visit and drop off some presents for my Mother in Law up north and fit in a run. Sounds like perfection to me.

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