Wednesday, May 29, 2013

A little less fear

Something clicked for me in the past month.

I don't think I can pinpoint it to any one thing, but a series of events and thoughts mixed with some gratitude and vapid self-awareness.

What the hell am I talking about? right?!

I don't even know how to describe it. It is a loosening of the grips of fear on me. An elevated sense of peace. A kind of letting go of the past an enjoying the now.

Lets start with the half Marathon. A year ago I wanted to do a half marathon. But it seemed so impossible and insurmountable. I know I have difficulty focusing and  staying motivated. Yet, when my sister said "hey", I said "ok" and used a few resources to keep me motivated. Accountability with my sister. Fundraising for a good cause. Tracking on Runkeeper. And "ta-da!" the impossible was somehow made possible. Even with some setbacks thrown in. I even want to do more. I beginning to see what I am capable of. Shoot, if I can run 13.1 miles, I can do anything.

Then I saw that someone I have not seen in ages, worked through some of his own fear, chasing his dream of music, and now he stands, with a record contract, an album releasing this week and I am excited to get to go support him in his album release concert. Check him out. He was in the youth group I used to volunteer with over 10 years ago. 
Seriously, honestly, I felt a tinge of jealously for a second, because I have considered that as well. But it has transformed into being an inspiration and motivation to me as well to overcome fear and do what I have always dreamed.

And in the midst of that, I somewhere decided that I was done putting off learning more about Equine Assisted Psychotherapy. Stop being afraid of getting and doing what I want. Years ago I always thought it would be cool to somehow mix horses(especially rescue horses) with people, youth, and allow them to help heal each other. As it turns out people are already doing this. And in finally decided to do this training, I met some people who are doing this locally, and desperately need help. Stepping Stone Farms. Don't worry , you will hear lots more about them as time goes on.

And now its a matter of "now what". How do I make this transition. While my dream is important, because I can do anything, my family and family dream is more important. Balancing the 2 is vital. I will only work 2 days a week, meaning, I will only have my child with a babysitter 2 days a week. It is possible for him to be with me and help with me in some things. I would love my son to grow up loving horses too. And loving helping others. I will somehow need to transition my 2 working days to pointing towards my dream. When and how.  I have other steps to work on in the process. Like getting my License ok in Wisconsin.

All of this to say, there is nothing that I cannot do. There is nothing you cannot do. I am going to continue to run and enjoy it. I am going to pursue my dream. I am going to love on my family. All in a new, less holding back kind of a way. its so freeing and a lot more enjoyable.

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