Wednesday, December 5, 2012

I've got the fever

ok, scratch anything I ever said about nursing or waiting or anything else ever  being boring.

Because there is nothing more boring that being sick. Nothing.

The last few days I have been struggling through some flu-like thing that has progressed into something right now that mirrors a bad head cold. And you may think "so what, everyone gets sick". But you don't understand, I don't (well I guess I can't say that anymore). And not to this extreme.

No seriously, confession; if I have ever called in sick to work before this week, most likely it has been some lie to get out of doing something I didn't want to do or to take time off when I knew it was not going to be approved.

And I hate any attention that comes with sickness. It feels like pity, though I know people are caring. I hate pity. Thats my own issue. So why, then am I writing a blog about being sick?

And I am well aware that I am ranting about the stupid flu, when there are people out there dealing with real illnesses like cancer and diabetes and depression and meningitis and on and on. I do have SOME perspective.

But the last few days have consisted of me sitting, attempting to sleep, attempting to breathe, attempting to be in a comfortable position, of wanting to snuggle my little buddy, but not wanting to risk getting him sick.

Anything I might want to do when bored, I can't, because I risk contamination. Can't do dinner. Can't fold laundry, can't bake some goodies, can't run to the store (which is probably how I got sick in the first place because some hard head like me decided they were going to go to the store or chocolate walk anyway even if they were sick or mildly sick). Can't work out for obvious reasons. Even napping is uncomfortable. And television: come on, unless you find the daytime line up of court tv, Maury or worse yet, the View, an acceptable use of time or brain cells, this will not be turned on either.

What I have been able to do is practice the art of patience and meditation and prayer and mindfulness.  Its sad then when I am always "doing doing doing" that I forget how important these are.

Particularly the first night I visualized the fever leaving my body, me pushing it out literally. I also imagined that places that make me the most calm, (for the record they are mostly pastoral scenes and trees). I am a big believer in the mind/body connection. Focusing on being sick with only stress you, and stress doesn't help you heal. I also prayed to God (which I do nightly anyway) for my own health for for my son and my family and in thankfulness and realized, this is something I should/would like to be doing WITH my son. daily. Add it to the nightly routine of reading before bed. I want this to be a part of his life and his character.

And I am also very grateful for my husband who has filled in doing what I am too contaminated to do, cook, laundry, play/snuggle with son, etc  and play nurse to his wife AND for my AWESOME babysitter  friend who took him an extra day this week so I could work on getting better.

I am still not "well" but I am better. I look forward to the day this week when I am not coughing or talking like an old man who has been smoking his entire life. Or my nose isn't running or I'm not sneezing. But I am grateful that I no longer have a fever with chills and bone aches and headaches and nausea.

And I am happy to take something out of this mess. I think there is always something good that can come from pain, sickness, tragedy, etc if you look for it or allow for it.

Trading ashes for beauty.
Trading sorrows for joy.
If we let it be so

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