Can you believe that Ben is over 4 months now?/*/*its funny how new parents chart milestones and age in months. Its like new teenage relationships. "its our 4 month anniversary". But I suppose thats what happens when you embark on new love. And this is new love for sure...
A lot has happened in 4 months. More recently its been fun to watch his development as he giggling, sleeping better, just about able to roll over onto his tummy, start to grab at things, follow objects and voices with his eyes, watching eye color change, change into the next size clothing up because he's getting longer and longer.
4 months seems like a super long time, and it seems like a super short time.
I've learned a lot about myself, about parenting, the world and my son.
First things first, I have to say that I recognize that not only am I super lucky and blessed to have a beautiful happy baby boy, but I am also super lucky that he is such a good and happy baby. Does he fuss? of course. But he has one 2 hour fussy period a day (and have found ways to quell that usually) and fusses when he's hungry. And thats easy to quell. Otherwise he smiles, giggles, naps (still working on this), kicks, and is learning new stuff daily.
So of course, with my experience so far, I can say that its honestly been easier than I expected. I am sleep deprived and sometimes overwhelmed. But its not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I'd still like my 8 hours and would love time to keep up on cleaning. But its just not realistic. My home is not intolerably messy and I can take 6 hours of sleep, even if its split into 2-3 hour increments. I do tend to walk into life experiences expecting the worst, be it healthy or not, which probably helps my perspective right now.
I did start cloth diapering a couple of months ago now. I thought, "why not try?" And so far, I like it. I haven't forced anyone to do it with me, and Bill alternates from grabbing a disposable diaper and a cloth diaper depending on what he feels like grabbing. Also we still have an awful lot of disposables in our house. What I didn't expect was for cloth diapering to be somewhat addictive. There are a lot of "cute" diapers and different kinds out there. I know I know "cute?- but he poops in it?" its illogical. But it is what it is. I mean, look what I found!
And on that note, my spending has changed. The majority of what I used to buy was clothes for myself. And to honest, it may have been slightly out of control. Especially in the shoe department. But now the focus of EVERYTHING, including spending is on Ben. I really have to limit myself on buying clothes, diapers, toys, etc for him. How cute is he in his newest gadget, the Bumbo (which I now hear mixed reviews on how good it is or is not for his spine.) He seems to like it anyway.(also if you could see his outfit- it says "cuddlesauraus" with a dino on it. so cute!)
I've also been super slow on decorating and getting Ben's room together. I'm really bad at decorating. I know what I like when I see it, but never know how to actually crate something. I couldn't even pick out my home colors with help. But slowly Ben's room is coming together. Yes, while some people are buying baby room furniture and putting it together at 4 months pregnant, I am doing it when he's 4 months old. Oh well, I've always been a late bloomer. We finally put his crib together this weekend (hold off your judgements!) and am super excited to get this put into the room (Bill's cousin's created his own version of it which I cannot wait to see and use) Again, I saw this and knew I wanted it. I never could have conceptualized something like this myself.
Although I still don't know where exactly in his room it will go. I'll wait for Bill's cousin to tell me where it should go and maybe even design the room for me when he brings it up here. I'll show pictures when its all complete.
Also Bill and I have learned a lot about compromise. We have some different ideas about some parenting issues, such as travel with Ben for example. He compromised hugely in allowing him to do a mini road trip to Iowa to visit my friends Bill and Jennie with some other girlfriends. But all went well and smoothly. I have comprimised on his ideas for vaccine schedule. He's open to the cloth diapers which was my idea. Babysitting, daily practices, scheduling, etc.. All issues of discussion. We are practicing our communication and negotiation skills daily! And I think this process is actually quite positive for us.
And every day I find my self walking a fine line between judging myself for doing the right thing by Ben. For giving myself some me time. For every little decision I make for him. And really, its not helpful to judge myself. There is enough judgement out there from everywhere and everyone else. I've learned moms are super critical of each other over so many issues. working or not working. sleeping issues. diapering issues. childbirthing issues. what you feed your child. vaccines. and on and on and on. And really its overwhelming. Everyone wants to be the best parent that they can be. And it looks different for everyone (I could write an entire thesis on this issue). Why are we judging each other instead of supporting each other. Are we as moms really so insecure that we have to find these little issues to make ourselves feel like we are better than everyone else? How will this really help our children to think like this. I want my child to learn to love and accept people and not judge them. Such an example to the contrary that we are setting so early.
Ok, *stepping off of soapbox*
Anyway, this is my baby. And I just love him. All 18+ weeks, 13 pounds, 25 inches of him