Winter and car seats

We sit here at the end of February, thigh high in snow and negative temperatures and indoor play days. I'm not one to complain about the weather. I live in theMidwest  after all. Anything can happen. 

But I've gotten to a point with a few things were we have just given up and are waiting for spring. 

One was shoveling this weekend. Granted we were all sick. The snow melted. Then froze. Then snowed again. Creating this hump if ice at the end of my driveway that could puncture tires. And we just don't care. And our sidewalk? Well. Abandon all hope ye who enter here. At least I can say we are not the only ones. How many times can a person shovel in a week? 

(It's quite a bit better than before)

The area in which I have completely lost it is with dressing my son for the winter. No, I am not taking him outside in shorts and a t shirt. Hold off your calls to DCFS to let me explain. 

I only have one child. God bless those with more than one little one and how they survive this winter coat monstrosity. 

I have friends with 3 children under 4. I cannot imagine. 

(We are just in the train here. But tucked under his arm is our extra blanket I shall refer to later. )

So getting a 2 year old into a winter get up is hard enough, right? (Not to mention snow pants. Boots. Hats. Gloves. Scarves) But in case you don't know, you are not supposed to have your child in a car seat with a winter coat on. It's a safety hazard. Car seats were not designed for that. 

So every time I get my child into the car or out of it. We are wrangling giant coats on and off. We are lucky to have a garage so I don't usually have to worry about getting him in to the car at home with a coat ( but what about those without garages ? Or packed too full so you park in the driveway like half if my neighborhood?)

So days like today. It's 15 degrees out. I take Ben to gymnastics. Then we stop for lunch before going home. Other days insert grocery shopping or Moms group or whatever. Constant coat wrangling in the back of a. 4 door sedan ( no we have not succumbed to soccer mom suburbia with a van or SUV. Yet. ) 

And so I have given up. Ben wears his hats. His gloves. His favorite stripey fleece hoodie. But then I resort to one of 2 methods to get him warmly out if the car. And am ok with the pitied stares I get. 

1. I wrap him up in a blanket. It can just be draped over him as I get him out of the seat. 

2. I put his winter coat on backwards. Yep. Rather than pick up spin around pull coat on while door is open. We walk right into Walmart with his hood in front. 

What are you going to do about it?

I actually think children's winter coats should be designed this way for this very reason. 

Maybe I am feeling a little guilty aftergymnastics  where I saw every other parent with their child fully and properly dressed. Forwards. 

And it will be this way until Mother Nature forgives the grudge she has against us all and allows the snow to melt and for me to be able to run in shorts. 

And moms everywhere are freed from the burden of winter coats. 

Losing Tom

Tom

My first memory of him included my first few weeks as my new job as a youth minister. During the hiring process, someone on that panel's eyes went up when I mentioned I was also a musician and loved worship music. He invited me to consider checking out "testament" , the praise band. 

I was so nervous to check it out. But when I finally did, the welcoming smiles of Tom, Denise, Lana, Barb, Dave, Paul and crew were enough to put me at ease. They were kind, funny, adaptable and made me feel like I had always been a part of the team. 

Tom especially. While Tom could play guitar, he mainly played keyboard for the group. He played much like I do, by ear and chords. But 100x better. 

Both of us tragically Cubs fans, he would call me. "Ray " for Ray Burris. And old baseball player. And I would call him "Bob" for Bob Brenley, who was at the time the Cubs tv announcer who, in my opinion, Tom was a dead ringer for. 

His 2 younger daughters were also in many of the youth activities. And Tom would chaperone many of them. I learned a bit about his recent family history and it was heartbreaking. But you would never know, he was always joyful and full of life. 

He and Kate threw the best parties. And anyone and everyone was invited. They made you feel like you were the cool kids. (I even stole their decorating idea from their 'pub' and have old old family photos all over my dining room. )

He, along with many others from the church were instrumental is helping me with some dental challenges. Initiating it in fact. And the difference that made to my self confidence, I cannot put adequate words to. 

Tom at some point shared his personal music with me. The stuff that he wrote and recorded. Such a gifted musician. And he encouraged me in my own, even helping me record a few songs with his equipment. 

Such a generous, kind gifted soul. I regret not staying in better touch after we moved north. It's something I need to work on in life in general. For his life changed mine in so many big and small ways for the better. And I know I am not the only one who feels this way. 

It's with a heavy heart that the world has had to say goodbye. Heaven has gained an angel. He joins his first wife and daughter. He is at peace at home with Lord. 

He leaves a granddaughter. 4 beautiful daughters. Countless friends. And a community forever changed by his kindness. If only we could all be Toms

My heart and condolences go out to his many loved ones. 

 

A better friend

Somehow over the past couple of years, I have found it pretty easy to become a bit of a recluse. 

I have had strong groups of support and friendship in the past. People I call up for lunch or a movie or just show up at their house. 

Now I pretty much keep to myself. I miss just "popping by" and being less self conscious about asserting myself to what your needs are. You know, being a good friend. Neighbor. Human being. Etc

I have had a lot of goals roaming my brain for this new year. And they have changed based on circumstances and thought redirection and General ADD tendencies. 

One that keeps coming up is being a better neighbor. Including being a better friend. 

What I don't like about it is imposing myself on others. What I do like is that I know that it will do several things:

1. Create stronger friendships

2. Help me feel more connected In general. To people. My community. Spiritually etc

3. Strengthen and help others. 

So I feel I have made some conscious efforts in this area. And know I can do more and better. 

A few basic things I have learned so far:

1. Act on my impulse. If I think: bake  my neighbor some cookies. Just do it. Right then. No scond guessing

2. While I like to say " let me know if you need anything". No one ever tells you what they need. I need to be specific and direct with offers. I.e can I make you dinner this night. Can you come over for coffee this day. Etc. 

3. There are a lot of things I could do if I just open my eyes and look around!!

What suggestions/ideas do you have to be a better neighbor/friend?

Nativity

I just finished packing up my Christmas decorations for this year. I love my Christmas decorations and try to leave them up as long as possible, at least until after the epiphany. I packed up the tree, ornaments, all of the stockings, the wrapping paper and the nativity sets.

We have 2 nativity sets at home.

Our first one came from my mother in law the first year we were married. Ceramic Mary Joseph Jesus Angel animals and wise men sit atop our piano these days 

The other is the Little People set Ben received for Christmas last year from my cousin. It was the first Little People anything he ever received so those guys stayed in circulation all year. Mary sits next to crossing guard guy on the LP school bus. 

Since we brought out the ceramic set this year, it has been Bens favorite  "new toy " he will climb up the piano to retrieve each piece one by one and relocate them  to the living room, the counter, his table or wherever he fancied. Maybe a bucket?

Along the way, in the hands of an almost 2 year old we have had a few mishaps of falling and heads breaking off. Baby Jesus lost a hand. The cattle lost his horns. But that's what super glue is for

As he plays with it, we talk to him about it. We tell him who all of the characters are. The "mom"- Mary, the "dad" Joseph, the "baby"- Jesus.  We told him about the shepherds and wise men, and referred to them as their "friends"- trying to keep it at an almost 2 year old level. How the wise men brought him presents. The animals. And how special they all are.

I especially enjoyed watching Ben connect to the "mom-dad-baby" piece of it. Those 3 traveled together everywhere. Sometimes "dad" gave "mom" a kiss. or the "baby". Sometimes the other guys came along too. But always the "family". And those are 3 of the 10 or so words he can say clearly, (mom, dad, and "bay").

It has just been so sweet to have him start to interact with Christmas in this way this year. Yes, presents have been fun. St. Nicholas day too. But this was so heartwarming. To have him interact with the love that is Christmas. The family. The story. The meaning.

To be fair, I am keeping the Little People set out this year. I just can't bear to let it all go away until next year. Its really an all year thing anyway, really. Isn't it?

swept in the tide

 I have a client these days who I relate to in many ways.  Battling with many of the same demons and  internal messages that I do. I feel I learn a lot about myself through their struggle.

Why is it so hard to overcome old messages of:

- you are not important
- you are an afterthought
-you do not belong here
-you are an inconvenience

especially when the reinforcers of those messages are still in your life.

I have been really struggling lately with a few events that have gone on in my family without me. Not so much because they happened. But I was not even invited.

And lately I watch my husband look at my son. I wish I could describe that look. Like he is the only and most precious thing in the world. To be honest I am jealous of that look. Not that I don't get loved on my my own husband, because on do. But because I have yearned for the look my entire life.

And again. I have so much good. My husband counters those messages. And I do not give him enough credit for it. Why do I allow this old garbage to eat me up? It steals my joy.  I get irritable and a kill joy. Bringing others into my sty to wallow with me.

Its not fair to me. And its not fair to others.

So I do I let go of that old crap that keeps coming up.

Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately,  I have learned that letting go and forgiveness is not a one time thing. I wish it was. It would be so much easier. But it is a constant ebbing tide. There are days it is washed away. And days it is high tide and I am drowning. And I have to learn to swim in it and escape it, lest it washes me away with the current.

I want the feelings to wash away. Not me.

Its important for me to have some anchors when those tides rush in.

* affirming messages. reminding myself what is good.
* gratitude. reminding myself what I have
* faith. reminding myself *whose* I am
* and reaching out to friends who are disconnected from my history.

Establishing those in the good times.

Reviewing 2013

At the beginning of the year, I set a theme for myself.  I wanted to work on "mindfulness". Being more present and aware of the moment and what is happening.

I set it into a few specific categories.

1. With my Son
2. Health
3. Spending
4. relationships
5. my own thoughts

How did I do? That is what I am here to review. In some areas I did rally well. And others I struggled with significantly.
A lot of things happened this year. Many things with people I care about, and things I had a lot of thoughts and feelings about, but no control over. And things I could not write about. And many little accomplishments that I am extremely proud of.

1. With my son. : what a joy it was to watch him grow and develop. It was my intention to focus my time with him as being just that, my time with him. Few distractions. TO be fair, its hard. Technology pulls us to look at phones and see what the rest of the world is doing. Someone might be trying to get a hold of me after all! But what on Facebook is more important that letting my son know that he is the most important thing to me. So I put away the phone a fair amount or turned it off. Not nearly as much as I think I should have, but I did. And it was easier when we had a semi-organized activity. Like cooking or going to the Bouncy house place. Perhaps more structure and signing up for a class together would help further.

2. health: well. I made approximately 0 weight goals. But I did complete 2 half marathons. And I came to really enjoy running. Running has become a nice time of meditation where I can center and quiet my mind. I don't realize how cluttered my brain is until I run. Then it can focus. I also have become more mindful of how strong I have become. Lifting and cuddling my 30 pound son and strengthened my arms. Running after him increases my endurance. And I just feel good physically.

3.Spending. I did much better on this in the beginning of the year. I amaze myself how I can spend almost $0 from January until my birthday in March. I think and consider what I am doing and buying.
 After that it becomes a steady decline. And the budget goes a little out of whack. Its not that I do not want to spend at all, but be more mindful about it. About why I need to buy something: to fill an need or void? And am I being conscious about the etiology of the product. We got better again in November. Especially when it came to buying and making presents for Christmas.

4. Relationships: I think I kind of sucked big time on this one. I can get so caught up in my own head and experiences that I can lack empathy and where others are coming from. And this is one thing I want my son to have and learn. He learns it from watching his parents. While I feel I strengthened some relationships with local people and even met a few new people, it can be so difficult with family. Where there is history and expectations and hurts and blah blah blah. This will continue to be a growth area for me.

5. my own thoughts: these will be the death of me. I swear. I need to quiet my mind so badly. Running has helped me a ton. I have learned to try to step back, if I can, when I feel my brain ready to explode. Take a break, settle down, see what is really happening in my head. But sometimes that is not possible. And it is not pretty. Quieting my mind will also be a continuing process. I did become mindful of some of my own fears and stepped into them to achieve some wonderful professional goals.

I have to say I did like the "theme" idea for my year. I am considering another theme of goals for next year, which starts tomorrow. I just need to organize my thoughts.

I hope to continue to be mindful. To enjoy and experience the moment. What is happening. Who I am with. What I am thinking and feeling. It is not a state of perfecting . But just letting things be.

Sewing and Christmas

I decided about this time last year that I wanted a cute home made stocking for my little guy. After searching ETSY and not finding quite what I wanted, I randomly decided " I can make him a stocking". Never mind that I didn't really have a working sewing machine nor had I sewn since my 4-H years.

I first explored Hobby Lobby, and several fabric choices later, tried to figure out how to get my moms 40+ year old sewing machine to work. And after almost losing my mind and a few fingers in frustration, I begged my mother in law for help and went up for a visit.  

She helped me piece together this, my sons first stocking. 

By my birthday in March all I wanted was my own machine. And my lovely husband obliged. (Even if I had to drag him to JoAnn Fabric) 

And since I have had some fun experimenting on how to make things. Cute headbands. Stockings. Baby bibs. It's been quite the learning curve as I am not generally known for being good at following directions. I want to try a few more new things, but I think that will wait until after Christmas.

What I have learned is once I figure out how to make it. I am pretty good at experimenting and getting creative from there. The stockings I make now bear little resemblance to Bens first one. But I am more than ok with that. I like these much better now. 

I also just today stole an idea and made my first mini stocking tree ornament. 

So my new little hobby is fun. I am even making some custom orders for people , I just finished an order of 10 full sized stockings ( here are a few of them)

I have created an Etsy shop now too. For fun. But it also makes me feel a little more proactive about trying to recoup some if the costs of starting my own business ( the counseling practice, remember !!)
https://www.etsy.com/shop/jennafishdesigns

So. To celebrate and to selfishly self promote. I am doing a little giveaway. It's for 2 items. One full sized stocking of your choice from my Etsy store and one mini  stocking ornament. 

Just fill out the rafflecopter form below

Good luck!!

a Rafflecopter giveaway