5 ways to succeed in your resolutions

It seems that sometimes we set goals and resolutions for the New Year, and before we know it , we are "cheating" or "failing" and get overwhelmed and disappointed and give up. I know, I have before.

So how can we avoid it? How can we actually accomplish our goals/resolutions?

Here are a few ideas to help succeed:

1. Write them down:  Those who write goals and BE SPECIFIC with them, are more likely to reach their goals than those who just think them or even say them. It phyisically gets the idea out. There is research and numbers on how much more likley you are to succeed in them, but I am not going to pretend to remember what they are.

2. Accountability aka "Phone a Friend": its so much easier to reach goals with help and encouragement. I found it easier to lose my baby weight after a friend called me and sad "lets do this together and check in every so often"(which reminds me I have a call to make!) it also helped me to blog about it. Call someone to go run with you or (its easier when someone is waiting for you) or discuss the struggle of your goal of "not swearing" they may give you some great feedback and you build your relationship along the way.

3 Give yourself a break: every day is a new day. So you want to lose weight? And last night you splurged at Olive Garden with all the yummy breadsticks and a slice of tiramisu? Oh well!!!!! It tasted good! Today is a new day. You can only control here and now. Beating yourself up over yesterday is only going to assist in sabotaging your goal. Think positive! Tell yourself what you would tell a friend.

4. break it down. make them simple. sometimes we have these big goals and don't think about the steps. Make the small steps to get there a goal. i.e. you want to run a 5k? great. what do you need to do to get there? Make a January goal of reseraching and chosing a program and buying shoes. February try one run a week. March twice a week. April choose a race and up your time or milage. Take it one step at a time. by June you may be ready to run a race. And not only have you completed your 5k, but you have many small wins in the meantime. Just getting your foot out the door is a win!

5. Give yourself credit: when you reach your goal or hose small goals, reward yourself! how about a coffee or put it on facebook or get a massage. Or just tell yourself "good job". And believe it.

These are just a few.

What tips or ideas do you have? What has helped you reach your goals?

chunky coffee

Its no secret, I like my coffee. And I like it a certain way. Skim milk and honey. Or sometimes agave. Weird? Maybe.  I am comfortable with that.

Every so often I will order it slightly different. Either I'm feeling like a treat and want a latte or am trying to find some reasonable substitute at the moment for a shop that doesn't have my sweetener of choice.

The latter was the case for my recent coffee debacle.

My friend and I took the kids to the zoo. It was 50 degrees in January.

What a better way to spend the unseasonabley warm day (especially since the ice sculpting we were going to see was cancelled due to the same warm weather). Afterwards we went to a small local lunch and coffee shop followed by a stop at my favortite baby store. We had a lot of fun.

This place has great soups and sandwiches and a huge drink selection. I ordered my coffee and when I realized they didn't have honey. or agave. I went for the next best thing...artificially flavored syrup of course. I wanted the peanut butter flavor since I have had their AWESOME peanut butter cup lattes  ( a bit too decadent for me this day).I've also ordered it at other coffee joints before. The lady at the counter appeared slightly confused by my request, but I thought nothing of it, she seemed to figure it out and I took my drink back to my seat.

I only took a sip or two for a while, as I tend to nurse my coffee for a few hours usually anyway. I noticed it didn't seem very sweet. Which was fine. I tend to oversweeten. I could use a little less today.

It wasn't until I got home and little buddy was sleeping that I took a sip out the the last 1/3 of my drink to the unpleasant surprise of a "chunk". I just swallowed a huge chunk of something from my COFFEE!! the last place I expect to find this.

I promptly spit it out. And try not to gag on my own vomit. And then dump the remaining contents of my trusty travel mug into the sink and find many many more chunks. Dis-gus-ting.

What the heck happened to my drink?

Upon further inspection I understood the problem.

My "peanut butter flavor" in my drink...was real peanut butter.

She put real peanut butter in my coffee. 

seriously.

I may have to take a break from anyone else handling my coffee for a while. Perhaps this is my motivation to stop buying coffee for a while and just make it at home. Where it's safe. And I have milk and honey and agave. And peanut butter that stays where it belongs.

Goal 3: Spending

My third mindfulness goal in the series has to do with Spending. Mainly monetary spending.

In my house we are savers. No, my  spouse is a saver. And I follow along and benefit from his fiscal organization and budgeting skills.

And when we look over this years budget at the end of the year, when we look at earnings and spending, we wonder why in the world we are not able to save more? and then we look at our "miscilaneous" and "retail" categories and they are way out of whack.

Luckily when I do shop, I love to find good deals.  Like under $10 esp for clothes if possible. And designer goods for ridiculous prices. I have True religion jeans, and I will proudly tell you that I got a pair for 1/6th or so of the normal price. I love love love to buy clothes. And shoes. And baby stuff. And a cup of coffee. But all of this adds up. And if you can afford it, Jenna, you ask, what's the big deal?

I know in my heart of hearts that I like to buy things for a reason. There is some little void, emptiness, that gets momentarily filled when I can buy something or find that good deal. A mini-addiction if you will. And what am I missing that I am covering for?

And so, I am planning on being mindful of my spending. Where does my money go. What is happening when I want to go shop for things. What am I feeling, thinking.
And mostly, can I still be "happy" and not have that thing. (of course I can!)

I am planning on not purchasing anything I do not absolutely need until my birthday in March. "Need" is subjective, I know. And well, I love me some birthdays.

In the meantime, I have to stop and think, "do I need this" and "why do I want to buy this?"

And for now, I am reserving this for any retail purchases. I'm having a hard time not buying a coffee. Even with a Keurig at home. And maybe guilt will consume me and bleed into these purchases as well. And I may say that giftcards and points (such as my Amazon points) are ok seeing as i am not actually technically spending any budgety money. we'll see. (I did buy a weathershield for my stroller off of Amazon today, but consider it a necessity to help me reach "health" goal so I can run with Ben during the week.- this kind of logic I have to think through. and it works. all 12 days in)

So no clothes, shoes, new Ben baby clothes or toys(he has soo much, esp thank to Chrsitmas). Accessories. I have a crap load of book already waiting on my Kindle. No gadgets or kitcheny stuff.  Or anything else "retail" that is not necessary.

As for what happens after March, I am not going to pretend I can go the rest of 2013 without buying anything else. But 2.5 months is some good thinking time, me thinks.

Goal #2: Health

My second mindfulnes goal is Health.

(this is how I want to feel)








Now, to be honest, I feel I am continually improving in this area.
Some days I feel like I do well here.
And some days I think I have a million miles to go.

Perhaps its the up and down that I need to be mindful of.

I do want to be more fit. I want to be able to continually keep up with my little buddy and maybe someday have us do different kinds of physical activity and sports together. So being fit will help me be a better parent in that respect. I also want to be fit to continue to feel better about myself and improve my "emotional/mental" health. I feel good after a work out.

One fitness goal is to complete a half marathon with my younger sister and I know I have blogged about this a lot lately. The accountability is good for me. Otherwise if no one knows, than it is usually easier for me to quit and fail in silence. I am far too prideful to quit or fail in public. I am not gunning for speed, just to build endurance and be able to complete the task.  April 27th. Look out.

Each week I am looking to build a little bit farther with my distance. To be relaxed and mindful and enjoy my run verses see it as a task. My runs will not be daily, in fact I will be lucky to get 2-3 per week, but when I do, they will be intentional. Enjoyable. thoughtful. This time can be very meditative for me if I let it. And not feel guilty about wherever little buddy is.



Its funny, while looking for a piece of running gear today I had a shop owner ask me if I was a "runner". It was an awkward question for me. I said "I run, but not well"

What is up with that? Why must I qualify it?

There is a thought proces at work here which I will delve into more with goal #5 , but emotioanl health is a huge part of this. My own emotioanl health and how I look at myself and and "health". Being ok with where I am currently at, "it is what it is", acceptance, not guilt, and moving ahead with that securly.

I also want to change this phrase I used to say, "I run so I can eat". It was true for me for sure. Cause this girl LOVES to eat. But can I just run to run. To be healthy. To do something for myself. To strengthen myself and incrase my fitness level.

I also have a tertiatry goal, no,  hope, of returning to my wedding weight.

And in a healthy way this time. I am about 10 pounds away, but am choosing not to obsess, but hope. Go with my myfitnesspal plan which has been working for me to get to pre-baby numbers. When I look at my wedding pictures I love what I looked like physically, but cringe at where I was emotionally. By my cousins wedding in July would be awesome.

 

Unless of course we somehow are blessed at some point in 2013 to get a head start on a sibling for Little Buddy. Ok with that as well. lol

Goal 1: With my son

Its the year of mindfulness for me.
My hope is that focusing on mindfulness will help this become a habit.

The first area I am focusing on in being mindful with my son.

Baby boy will be 11 months old next week. He is such a happy camper. I can honestly say that I am super blessed by him, his sweet-tempered-ness (did I just make that word up?). His lack of fussiness. His giggliness and curiosity. He has these funny little things that he does like, instead of looking at flshing lights and knobs on those musical toys, he likes to look and find where the sound is coming from. He also gives giant open-mouthed kisses. He is constantly observing his surroundings and puts everything in his mouth. This also makes him a very un-picky eater so far.

 

In being more mindful with this bundle of joy, I want to make each interaction count. I want to not only be physically present with him, but mentally and emotionally present with him.

Confession: ever since I got my Iphone, I have been addicted. Addicted. Seriously, I think I check it every 10-15 minutes to see what the newest facebook updates are or if I got a new email or am just bored and want to play *sigh* Goldminer or Words with Friends.

The thing is I do this so much in front of my son. He knows my phone and loves to look at it and play with it, presumably because thats what he sees me doing all of the time. I also spend a lot of time on the computer seeing as we keep a laptop in our living room where we sepend most of our time. (somewhat thankfully, we are having a screen issue and its unusable. therefore writing this from the desktop in another less convenient location)

(although I may not be able to stop myself from pulling out the camera on the phone for moments like these)

I do not want his earliest memories to be of watching momy looking at her phone, computer, tablet, tv etc, instead of looking googly-eyed at him. He is looking to me for approval, for praise for comfort, and how long am I making him wait while I finish doing this or that online. And when he looks at me, my attention is elsewhere. What message does that send him? This is going to be a challenge for this generation of parents. Being in the moment with our kids, which is sometimes boring, in this fast paced, instant gratification world.

So I want to decrease my screen time in front of my baby. Perhaps this means I will just be online less often. And so be it. Maybe my screen time now will be more deliberate and less wasteful, as it usually is, since I plan to limit it to nap time, bedtime, being a passenger in the car time (I have other issues that require me to look at anything other than the road when a passenger). And I know I will not be perfect at this. And really do not want it to be my spouse and I on a device at the same time instead of with him. One at a time maybe? It will be a challenge for us.

And increase my "present" time with my son. Give him the gift of undivided attention. And me the gift of being aware of my sons growth and achievements and development.
He needs more of this:

He is getting so big so fast. Just in the last few weeks he has moved from crawling, to crawling EVERYWHERE, to figuring out how to escape my barrcades, to crawling over people and objects, and chasing kitty, to pulling himself up to him knees and now to standing and up a stair. I do not want to miss these things while my head is turned the other way every time.

 

 

 

There are fewer greater gifts than that of "presence"

a year of Mindfulness

I have decided that 2013 will have a theme for me.

After some thought and some thorough discussions about resolution with clients, friends, spouse, I have decided that I want my goals to be decidedly positive, with a theme.

So often our goals involve taking away, being less than. Quit smoking, eat less, spend less,  lose weight, etc. While these are all good goals, I want to focus on being more. Or building upon positives. Even though some may involve doing something less, or some things differently its with the ultimate goal of becoming more myself and becoming more mindful.

2013= being mindful.

Mindful to me, meaning, being more aware of whats happening in the moment. Enjoying/savoring/challenging/thinking through each interaction. Creating more meaning. Bill called it being deliberate.

How do I plan on doing this?
in a few main areas...

1. With my son.

2. Health : (running, work out, weight, etc)

3. spending

4. relationships (spouse/friends)

5. my own thoughts.

Each of these will get their own explanation and post.

Join me in the year of mindfulness.

2012's goals. How'd we do?

Happy New Year!
And can I say that I thoroughly enjoyed 2012 with all of its glorious fun and challenges.

Per tradition I have been thinking a lot about "resolutions". How I did on mine last year. What ones I want for this year and if there is some kind of theme. I think my next several blog posts will have to do with resolutions and goals.

To start, I do want to look at last years goals. If you'd like a review, here they are: 2012 resolutions.

Here is my summary of what the goals were and how we made out...

1. Learn about parenting: wow. Well, I did manage one more class in 2012, which was infant cpr. And i did a lot of online research. Bill checked out some library books. Some over and over almost the entire year. He read them. I did not. lol. And parenting is really a learning as you go type of experience. There is so much to learn!! I have been lucky to have a few experienced people field my ridiculous questions along the way. Alana, Pat, April...  I still wish I could ask my mom a million questions. Here was Bill's repeated book check out:

http://www.amazon.com/Your-Babys-Mind-Revised-Jacob/dp/1558501371


2. half marathon/fitness goal: well. lets be honest, I did not run anything clsoe to a half marathon this year. However I did run a 5k on an insanly hot day and finished. I did get back to my pre-baby weight and signed up for a half marathon with my sister for April of this year. We are running for a cause, so pleas feel free to sponsor us!! We are over 1/3 of the way to our fundraising goal!

 

 

3. Make more local friends: Well, I've made attempts. Lets say that. I went to this weekly new parents group at the hospital my son was born at, which I enjoyed, but only went a few times and then back to work. I work on the same day this class is. I tried this other group twice, where my son was the youngest, it was a little awkward. First meeting wa good. Second no one spoke to me. I tried. My social awkwardness and anxiety is starting to gain some momentum. I need to work on this. I did however succeed in making good friends with a neighbor down the street. During the nice weather we went for walks several times a week and she is so very good with my son and she is just nice and interesting and positive. So I consider that a win. I also went to a MOPS group at the end of December. I enjoyed it and plan on going back this month.

 

 

4. Cut back on spending: mmm...eh...maybe a little. I changed some of my habits for sure to more local, small businesses, farmers markets, made in the USA. At one point I didn't even enter Walmart for over a month, and its the closest anything to my house. However I also discovered Amazon (I know, a little late to the game) which proved so very convenient esp with a baby. I did start entering some giveaways with many wins by the end of the year, where I won enough to not have to actually purchase any of my son's Christmas gifts.

 

5. Finding more peace: I think this will need to be a continued goal for me. I gained some and lost some at the same time. You know that phrase, "having a child is like watching your heart walk around outside of your body" or something like that. Yikes, is that true. For me anyway. I want to protect him from everything, including my own carelesness at times. It can be very anxiety provoking. Social anxiety has increased for some reason. However I also am learning to be more comfortable with myself and my own decision making. I am also learning to not take things as personally. If someone goes a little batty or insults me, I can more easily chalk it up to their own issues and insecurities. Thus decreasing my own anger and baggage and likelyhood of inappropriate or defensive responses. One wish I have for my son is "Peace". I hope to help smooth out the path for him a little.

 

I am also finding my workouts to be more meditative. This is awesome.

 

As I look at how I did, some sucesses, some not much. I consider what I want for this year. And yes, we are 3 days in and i have not solidified my goals. Hubby and I were just discussing this the other day. What do we want for ourselves, for our son. How can we possibly make 2013 better than 2012? Or make ourselves better for 2014.

 

How did you do?