I can't remember a whole lot from when Ben was a newborn.
It was only 2.5 years ago!
I wish I would have taken more time to document/write down what every day was like. What we did. What my favorite little moments were.
Together Bill and I can remember a few things, and provoke each other's memory.
We remember freaking out the first few days when we thought he wasn't getting enough to eat.
We remember how completely flawless his skin and complexion were immediately after birth.
We remember how when he fussed, he only wanted to be walked around. He would not tolerate Sitting or rocking in a chair (which was awesome at 1am)<-add sarcastic font.
I remember trying to take thousands of pictures to hold memories.
But I wish I would have written more feelings and moments that film will never capture.
I was thinking about all of this today after I put Ben down for his nap. This usually starts my quiet baby one on one time with Jillian. My favorite time with her these days includes one of two positions. Each we are sitting in the beloved recliner chair.
The first she is laying on my chest. We are belly to belly and she is lifting her head and just staring at me or looking another two feet up at the collection of shiny running medals.
The other she is sitting against my knees( my knees are up) and we again are just looking at each other. This eye contact. Where I feel like we are studying each other's faces and getting to know each other.
I want to remember these moments in 2.5 years, As currently they are my favorite.
I want to remember other such little moments as we go along.
Moments and feelings like:
My pride as Ben says "hi baby" and strokes her head. Or how he makes grocery shopping easier than it should be for a mom with a newborn and 2.5 year old. Or the pleading look he gives me as he asks for permission to eat the cookie he is reaching for. Or the simultaneous adoration and frustration I feel at his "1 more book" request for the 10th time before bed as he holds 6 of his Little People who he is taking to bed with him and I just laugh cause it's so insanely cute.
I want to learn to embrace the joy in these small moments now, in the middle of the chaos and Legos under my feet.
I don't want to look back and not remember. It feels like I am missing out. Even though I was there.
I am considering documenting some of that here. In this blog space. As a place to come back to and read. To remember. To refer to on rough days. And smile. (Which is one reason why I document rougher times as well).
However I am aware of what happens to some of my best laid plans.
Passing like memories.