Thursday, October 27, 2011

why blog

I'm not quite sure why I have decided to retry a blog. Facebook is not quite thorough enough, and there are thoughts I often want to expand upon. although I do enjoy seeing what others are up to. And somehow facebook has replaced Livejournal in my friend circle. And while I do have an old fashioned type of journal, its more about my psychological and spiritual growth and is often too philosophical for even me to reread.

So here we are.

As I type my kitten is staring at me, willing me to play, which means in her terms, bite and claw at my hands. But she's so adorable, its difficult to resist.

I love, absolutely love having this kitten.
She came to us at an interesting time, which can only be called perfect.

There is a timeline here. Over the summer, we were blessed to discover that we are pregnant and due in February. Something we've wanted fora while now. Additionally I was working a social services management job that I was not enjoying AT ALL. So when the time was right, and had 2 part time direct service counseling jobs offered to me, which were flexible enough to work with my desire to work part time when I am a mom, I quit the management job. Oh how freeing that has been!!

Approximately 4 days after I was done with that position and started the part time ones, we went to the in-laws for Labor Day weekend. In their barn one morning my father in law and I found this orphaned 2 week old kitten near some dead ones. Clearly unable to fend for herself, we brought her into the house. Bill and I decided to take her home after we saw no signs of mama cat coming back. A 2 week old kitten is pretty time consuming; we had to feed her every few hours, with a bottle, groom her, teach her to deficate, spend social time with her, etc. I never would have been able to swing that with the old job.

Whats been interesting to me is the prep-work I feel its given me for aspects of motherhood. Even if it was a short spell of checking on her and feeding her throughout the night, I still did it. The guilt of leaving her at home while I work. Getting excited at her small feats/accomplishments. I mean, I got excited when she pooped for the first time! Being responsible about my time, making sure she isn't alone too long. Taking her to the kitty doctor for her shots. And even now, over 2 months old, as she's going into kitty toddler-hood, and she wants to play rough, I just want to snuggle with her. Can it really be like when your kid starts to pull away? Or am I just overthinking all of this.

One way or another I like it. I like the responsibility for something other than myself. It makes me excited to be a parent of a human. Its taken away a little of the fear, makes me feel like I have a bit more purpose and am moving towards the life I have been meant to live. Its funny the little things that prepare us in important little ways.

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