Recreating an Audrey Classic

A few days before Christmas, Bill had something lying under the tree for me. This was highly unusual because A. It was wrapped before Christmas Eve and B. We had an almost 3 year old who believed that all wrapped presents were for him. 

My hubby handed me the gift after our son went to bed and stated that I needed to open it early. 

So with curiousity and trepidation I started to unwrap what looked like a clothing box. I was desperately hoping it wasn't a sweater. Bless his heart, he tries with the sweater thing every year. Tries. 

Instead what I found was an office clip board. Attached were about 6 pieces of white printer paper. 

Each page read the following:

1. London?

2. Paris?

3. Rome?

4. Istanbul?

5. 2015

6. You choose

I was rendered speechless. Hubby of course was recording this with his phone. About 5,000 thoughts went through my head at once. 

I finally decided on a "how?" Question. 

I couldn't quite figure out what was happening. How we could afford this. Why this wasn't Ireland, which we have been holding out for one day. 

He put the camera down and explained. Apparantly the week before he was home with the kids watching PBS (not out of the ordinary at all) and they were having a pledge drive. We've been avid PBS viewers for quite some time but have never donated. Bill considered this a good time, plus he'd get some Rick Steve's DVDs to give me as a Christmas present (which I LOVE Rick Steve's and his nerdy little cargo pants and fanny pack)

And by doing so his name was put into a drawing to win a trip through Rick Steve's travel company. 

And a few days later. They drew his name. My husbands name. For a free Flipping trip to flipping Europe!!!!

Ok to one of 4 cities in Europe. The above mentioned ones. 

The urgency was to get the paperwork in for tax purposes done by the end of the year. The paperwork required a notarization of my signature. 

Anyway

So back to how I am going to Europe for free. I mean taxes I guess. But it's all expenses paid. Airfare. Most meals. Lodging. And fully guided by a Rick Steve's approved guide. 

I have never left North America. I always regretted my lack of courage and lack of finances in my younger years to dive in and explore foreign lands. 

As you can imagine, I am losing my mind with excitement. 

And after very thorough research on my part, I made a decision. 

We chose Rome, Italy. 

It will be my "Roman Holiday". Just like Audrey Hepburn. Without the being a princess and getting a pixie haircut. 

We go this fall. Without children. After baby turns one. 

Bill wins every argument for the next 5 years. 

Ben and the big guy

Much to my chagrin, the closest and most convenient store to where we live is Walmart. I'm not getting into why I dislike Walmart, but alas, I'm a hypocrite because I find myself there regularly. 

Luckily Ben listens to me pretty well while we are there. It may or may not have anything to do with a Dunkin Donuts bribe. But I let my now 3 year old run free because he always stays in my sight. He loves to look at people and run fast and giggle and point of every Batman or other thing of interest he sees. 

This pointing things out is usually adorable and makes me laugh a little. Until the inevitable little guy observation that mortifies parents and stops them in their tracks. Ok. It did for me. 

There was a gentleman at Walmart the other day who was rather large in size. I don't mean 7 feet tall, but morbidly obese. Walking was obviously difficult for him. I heard other customers commenting under their breath. Judgemental things. I felt bad for him. 

Then my son stops his running and points at this gentleman and yells "big guy!!!" Twice. The "big guy" obviously heard him. The entire store must have heard him. My heart stopped and I was the most embarrassed parent in the world for a split second. Internally I was panicking. "Oh my God! What has he done!" 

It's amazing how fast your brain can flow through approximately 1 million thoughts in the matter of  2 seconds. Luckily One thought included remembering that my son was only 2 and just making one of his observations. This brought my blood pressure down a little. 

And I responded with the first somewhat not horrible thing to say. 

I asked Ben to "say 'hi' to the guy"

And Ben said "hi guy"

And the guys face, whose looked equally as mortified, perked up a little, and waved and said "hi" back to my son. We smiled at each other, the big guy and I, and moved on. 

I have no idea what the guy thought of this interaction. Or how many people remind him of his size on a regular basis. My heart hurt for him afterwards. 

I don't know that I can fully explain why I chose the response that I did. 

I can think of a few intelligent counselor-y answers to explain myself in retrospect. Like I didn't want to shame Ben or didn't want big guy to feel worse or sometimes people feel invisible and want to be "seen" as a person, not just a "big guy". 

But that would not be honest.

In a situation sometimes, you just respond. 

But as I ponder what happened, it does make me more thoughtful of other future such encounters. Ben is 3 now and still very observant. Baby will be doing the same things before I can even blink my eye. 

How do I teach them in simple ways to be themselves, be honest but also honor other peoples existence and feelings. 

These little moments mean something. Even if I don't know how yet. 

My Lord, parenting is a trip. 

Rejection

The other week one of the few shows I care to watch on television came to an end. I liked Parenthood because I felt like I was watching real people, like neighbors or someone I would know , go through real problems, and fight through them, sometimes making difficult or unpopular decisions. No murders or gore or violence or whatever. 

So this week I decided to revisit the shows beginning for lack of interest in anything else to watch. 

Already in the second episode, I found myself really resonating with one issue one character was struggling with. Julia, the lawyer sister, who generally is not my favorite, was struggling with their daughter. Nothing crazy like drugs or acting out, but in a way that I am struggling with my almost 3 year old right now. 

Every time Julia goes to do anything with or for their daughter Sydney, Sydney rejects her and asks for their dad to do it. Tucking into bed, playing with, cutting up food, whatever. 

And so it is in my house. Perhaps it's a phase, and like Julia, I am trying desperately to put up a brave and accepting face. But being continually rejected by the apple of your eye flipping hurts. 

Now I am aware that it is a good thing that my son loves his dad so much. I want them to be close. I know he misses his dad during the day. And we have had big change recently with the new baby. And we also have fun and play together and do projects at home during the day. We hug and help baby and I make sure baby naps and we get one on one time. 

But once his dad gets home, I cease to exist. 

It's been a season of growth for me in this. I usually do not take a rejection or perceived rejection well. Partly my family history includes a bombardment of that feeling. So when rejection happens, it stings old wounds. And I react my either getting on my high horse or running away/avoiding or rejecting in return.  Or something else equally unhealthy or ungracious. 

However these go-to or usual internal responses (which turn into external responses) would have some dire consequences. I cannot run away from or avoid my son. Not do I want to. I love him too much. There is no high horsing or yelling or sarcasm, because he doesn't understand. I don't want to make him feel bad/guilty. I want him to learn to express emotions learn healthier ways to respond to conflict than I did. There can be no rejection/guilt etc in return from me, or else let the cycle continue. 

No. 

 My son is teaching me to accept rejection. Graciously. To love even if it stings a little. To get over myself a little. And to maybe help heal those old wounds. 

I thought I was supposed to be teaching him. 

The smile

This morning baby and I ran a few errands while Ben was at his one day a week pre pre-school program. We stopped at my new office. Then sat at the coffee shop while I did a little work. Finally we took the filthy Highlander to the car wash 

Though cold, it was a beautiful day full of sunshine, and a few other people had the same idea. So we went inside the car wash "reception area" to sit and wait while our car went through the ringer. Apparantly it is a very fancy car wash. 

I took baby out of her car seat since she was awake and we sat  making faces at each other and examining our environment. 

Then an adorable old man walked in. Cane and all. Serious-faced. I watched baby turn her head to see the movement. And her face immediately lit up. She smiled her biggest smile of the day at this little old man she has never seen before. 

That's when I turned my head. I saw the man stop in his tracks. His face went from stern to an even wider-than baby's grin. He commented on how lovely she was and how her smile just made his day. It was so pure and genuine and earnest, how he said it. He also mentioned that at only 10am he was already not having the greatest of days. He then sat an adjacent table and made little faces at her and then made pleasantries with the staff about his car. 

And each of our respective days went on. I left to pick up a can of paint and then my son. Went home, made lunch, prepared everyone for nap time. All vey ordinary for us. 

Obviously babies are cute and people love them. But that interaction has stayed with me today. Something tore at my gut as I thought about how this little 4 month old had the ability to change the trajectory of someone else's day. 

How at such a young age, her life and existence serves a purpose. To people beyond myself and her dad and her brother. And without even trying. 

If her, in her very limited capacities,  than how much more the rest of us. Each of us. Regardless of our abilities/capacities. 

Perhaps I am thinking about and looking into this far too much. 

And maybe not. 

Maybe I myself, should smile such a genuine smile a little more. 

COOKING

I had a little giggle at myself today as I attempted to add a few recipes to a cookbook for a mom's group I am involved with.

I think the idea of a cookbook is a great idea and I love seeing what other people are making for their families and expanding my culinary repertoire.

And well, I just love food.

What I started to notice is that I have very few recipes pegged down to just that, an actual "recipe". I often start from some recipe somewhere, and then modify it or eventually go with what i think i remember it to be and just make it. I think that this is sort of what i love about cooking. I do enjoy cooking. I can experiment a little and go with my gut. I make whatever I feel like. I am not a meal planner in the least bit.  It works for me much of the time. Bill can probably attest to about an 80% success rate.

I think that this is kind of how I do life. its my personality. I just do it. I look at "recipe" or a basic plan or idea. Then I just go with my own flow or flavors. No one can tell me what to do. Not even a cookbook. And so far, it has served me pretty well in many areas.

The areas it does not serve me well... there are some things in which you MUST follow a recipe. Like baking. Or organizational and financial life tasks...bills, taxes, assembling a chair. If you do not do it the right way, pay attention, follow directions, you will fail miserably. Like baking a cake. Baking is a struggle for me in this way. I do not follow directions well. There is no room for creativity. And I dislike this.

That is why, when you are me, you marry an engineer.

And this is why our personalities and strengths balance each other out so well. One of the many ways

This is also why sometimes you just have to hunker down, despite yourself, and follow the stinking recipe. Even if it is miserable. Because, well, I would like to be able to afford my house, sit in a chair without breaking it, or eat delicious cookies. It has taken me years to make a decent pie or batch of cookies. Because some things must simply be done correctly.

And so tonight, I did find a few recipes of value to add to the book. Ones that i use over and over. ones that I often modify still. And scorn convention a bit. How to make your own brown sugar. barbecue sauce. snack/granola bars, etc.

Advent with a 2 year old

I've always loved Christmas and Advent and the whole excitement and build up for the holiday. I've been pretty good at doing this for myself. I celebrate in my own rhythm, spiritually physically and just the joy of the holiday. 

There is some stress, perhaps not as most. I don't have the big family to prepare for. I have my 2 sisters over sometime around Christmas. Whenever we can get together. Some years we host a friend Christmas party. Not this year with a newborn. And we go up to the in-laws for everything else. We buy presents and bring a dish to pass. 

This year has brought a new sense of urgency to celebrating the season with intention. For my faith and my time and energy are no longer my own. This time last year my toddler didn't grasp as much. But this year, I know my almost 3 year old is soaking in the world like a sponge. He is paying such close attention to what I do. And he will understand Christmas and Advent in these formative years only as I outwardly present it to him. It's a big responsibility. 

A few days into December I realized I wanted to do an Advent Calendar. Not one of those ones you get for a buck or 2 with the crappy chocolates. We tried that last year. They are no where near as delicious as I thought I remembered as a child. On the contrary they were completely in edible. But I digress. 

So I searched the web, and maybe Pinterest, my arch nemesis, for a cheap and easy,  "I can make it right now " solution to the actual calendar. I made this. 

It progressed into an affair lasting a few days to make because I decided I wanted actual magnetic material instead of a half a pound of tape to keep it all together. But it was still pretty easy. I already had a mini muffin pan at home, construction paper and tape. Which is what it was before the upgrade to magnets and pretty paper. 

To keep it both fun and meaningful, in each day I had a Hershey's kiss (I know, not exactly high quality candy) and a slip of paper for someone/ something to pray for each night in our prayer time. We also read this each night:

Bill questioned the same book each night.  But I said "yes" repetition is how he will learn the story. Maybe in the future we will mix it up a bit. 

I thought it seemed simple enough for a little guy. He gets excited for "Advent calendar" time. 

We've also been trying to be intentional about doing some fun holiday stuff withBen  and the baby. Things we can have in pictures, but also memories we can make and really make it feel like Christmas. 

This last weekend on Saturday we did both a "breakfast with baby Jesus" as well as a live nativity in the evening. One low cost , the other free. I also enjoy looking up such activities to do. 

The weekend before we went to a visit Santa with hot Cocoa at a small country store north of the border. It was awesome. Not only was the cocoa awesome, but we literally had Santa all to ourselves. He read us stories and sang Christmas songs to us. I almost don't want to give this gem of an experience away. But I love this store so much. Google "Hill Country Market " in Salem WI. They also have a killer deli lunch menu. Seriously. And local and organic produce and meat. 

We went to Our towns Christmas parade and tree lighting ceremony. We have dropped off presents for our Angel Tree kids and involved Ben somewhat in that process. We drive through our hood looking at lights. We made a gingerbread house. I love it all. I hope our kids do too. 

Some of my favorite snapshots are:

-Ben calls Santa "ho ho guy" (I have mixed feelings on the whole Santa thing. I don't push it too hard. I really barely mention him. I just allow him to exist)

- while reading the Christmas story he  likes to tell me now what's going to happen next

- every present he sees he begs to open. So everything is stashed in my already disaster of a closet. 

- the way Ben says Christmas tree sounds more like "Chris Chris tee"

- every night this Advent Ben has added "blah" to our prayer requests when asking if we should include anyone else. "Blah" is what he calls my sister Beth. It's more endearing than it sounds. But he thinks of her often. 

How have you made the holidays meaningful for your family, especially in the early years ?

E I E I O

In the life of a 2 year old , there are trends   . There is hilarity, there is frustration and tantrums, there are hours if just sitting on the floor playing with your "guys". 

Trending with Ben lately is his enthusiasm over Old McDonald and encouragement of family participation. 

It started out with us just playing the song here or there on the guitar or piano. And going through the normal range of farm animals. Your horses, goats , cows , chickens etc. 

Old McDonald has evolved in our home to a non-traditional barnyard. 

Our daily rounds of the song have come to include old McDonald having:

-batman (shocking). With a "pow pow" here

- Robin.  Also with a "pow pow" there

- Superman.  With a "zoom zoom" here

- storm trooper. With a "hi. Hi. " here

- Santa clause. With a "ho ho " there

- momma. With a "no no" here

- baby.  With a "wah wah" there

- dad. With a "hi hi " here ( conspicuously similar to storm trooper)

- bad guy. With a "pow pow" there

- George ( as in curious George) with an "oo oo ah ah" here

- Ben. With a "pphhlllt (think the raspberries)" here and there

E I E I O

It cracks me up every single time.