How to speak to seniors

Today I am hesitant to enter one patient room. I have to fight this each week. It's not that she is elderly, most of my long term care patients are. And most talk with ease. I love talking to my elderly clients. 

What I do not enjoy is sometimes seeing in facilities how our elders are treated as objects. Things to be dealt with rather than people with rich histories and good ideas and feelings and stories to tell. 

When I tell people what I do, my current 2 main populations. I often get interesting reactions vary from disgust and shock for working with abusers, and sympathy and boredom with the elders. I am questioned on the difficulty of what to talk to seniors about or if they can hear me. All real questions. But they are also real people. Who are lonely and desperately want to talk. Sometimes it is just to complain about problems. But who doesn't. Talking with them is easier than you might think. 

Want some ideas??

1. Ask them anything about their past. Families. Relationships. School. Careers. And never assume they had kids or did or didn't work

2. Let me back up. Want to open the door a little. Compliment something you see genuinely. Their shirt. A picture. The weather. Gets you off on a good foot

3.  Favorites! Music. Tv shows. Sports or teams. Vacation. Holidays. Memories. 

4. Most have pictures or objects or memorabilia around them. Ask them about them or who brought it or significance of those things

5. Their goals and dreams. Even in your 80s or 90s we have goals. It might be for their family. Or helping a neighbor. Or physical therapy to get out of bed on their own. It gives purpose. 

6. Bring your own pictures. Share about your life. Kids. Job. Family. 

( this is the only population I do much self disclosure with.  As a therapist self disclosure is generally frowned upon. It must be beneficial to the client. And to some of these clients I am their ONLY connection to the outside world. Therefore I see it as often beneficial)

7. Ask open ended questions and be patient on the answer. There may be memory issues. But also our previous generations were a storytelling time. It's how time was passed without tv phones or the Internet at our beckon call. 

And when all else fails. Which is kind of where I am at with the aforementioned client. Just be real about how you are feeling. Ask them what you can do for them or what they need. Ask them to bring topics of discussion. Even if you are asking every week. This client is difficult. And is impossible to talk to and is resistant. But desperately wants me there and do I am trying. Not giving up on her. Cause I get the sense that everyone else has. (FYI. I got her to talk some by asking where she was during major historical events. 911. Kennedy. MLK)

You want to enrich your and someone else's life. Go visit a nursing home. It's not so scary. 

change

This has been a season of a lot of change and a lot of happenings.

I want to write and update about so many of them.

Many of of them around me and affecting me , but none of them is mine. Nor mine to speak about.

These changes and situations are completely out of my control.

I think that is what is the most difficult.

I know how I would love to see things play out. People not to get sick. Friends to stay. Relationships to mend. Jobs to be secure. People to be happy.

All that I am able to control is myself. My response. How I behave. Support. Love. Pray. In the midst of it.

Anger

May we never stop seeing people as people. As individuals. 

Not as labels

As "he" "she" and "it's"

It derogatory terms

Not as inconveniences

Or burdens or roadblocks

Or objects to be discarded and used

Not as less than 

Differences as enemies

Or wrong

I am currently seething with anger at the injustice of an institutions Who is choosing to dehumanize a person who relies on them. Through no fault of their own. And needing to respond appropriately. To breathe humanity into halls who see people as burdens and jobs

May this be a reminder to me to be slow to judge. And quick to love. 

For everyone has a story

Runners are crazy

Runners are crazy

Especially distance runners

Bat. Shit. Crazy. 

If you are a runner you know exactly what I mean and you are not offended

They say crazy things, use crazy terminology and do crazy crazy things.

For example they:

-choose to run 13.1 than 26.2 then 50 and on and on. The other day I saw a guy with one of those runner bumper stickers with 140. Seriously?

- they run into traffic. You know against traffic, as pedestrians are supposed to. Or sometimes can't be bothered to wait at a stoplight so will maneuver like Frogger to keep the heartrate up. 

-They are always thinking about where they fit in a run anywhere and have extra running clothes in car "just in case"

-They know exactly has far it is in miles between their house and anywhere in 5-15 mile radius. And all routes. 

They  use absurd words and Terms:

Foam roller- I had no idea what this term was and why use it until a few weeks ago. As I am more regular I feel the highly worked muscles on need of relief.

It band- while again I have heard the term before, didn't quite gert it until I started feeling those muscles. fyi, they run along the outside of your upper leg. they've been stiff in the beginning of runs. thereby the need of the use of said foam roller.

Naked running and Barefoot running - one is exactly as it sounds the other is not really what you might think. I have tried one. And gotten some funny looks on the path.

PR- ever the goal. to beat your personal best time. its the song that never ends. yes it goes on and on my friends.

Thought process, possibly the most certifiable part of the runner...

- Like the midwestern mailman, neither sleet nor snownor rain nor grisley heat or humidity will stop you from doing your job, completing the task. 20 degrees or 90. it will get done.

-Boston, New York, Chicago, are races not towns

- injuries are common and badges of honor, especially if you run through them. pain, cramps, pulled muscles...and proudly limp to the finish line. with the war stories. they love the war stories.

- After running  3.1, 6.2, 13.1, 26.2, they cannot wait to do it again. and maybe longer the next time.

- guilt. after missing a run. feeling sick. slower pace. whatever. guilt guilt guilt. reminds me of my Catholic elementary school.

- ha. and jealousy when they drive by another runner. "I should be doing that"

-drop $100+ on a pair of shoes that will last only a few months

So you see runners are crazy.

But this label has always been applied to everyone who has ever tried to push limits and boundaries, physically and mentally. Who attempt what is told cannot and should not be done. Who chase dreams and try to do better.    If that is crazy...

water your own garden

I realize this is a bit out of season. But I must be dreaming of spring already..,

My dear husband has been working on his garden for years. Since we bought our house.  I think his favorite feature of having a house has been a yard. And a garden.

over the past almost 4 years we have planted a wide variety of plants and mini-gardens. We have the vegetable garden

some ornamental gardens

strawberries

potatoes and asparagus.

fruit trees

herbs

I would post pictures if they weren't currently under a layer of snow. 

And we do it, our garden, our way. Slowly, one step at a time. We do not use any chemicals or pesticides on anything, including our lawn. That food that we will ingest. That lawn my child will play on.

If you look around our neighborhood, you will see some meticulous lawns. Overflowing gardens. Gorgeous flowers.  If you look at ours, it is not meticulous. it is not neglected. It looks like nothing all that special. What it is, is cared for and watered and loved and used.

When we go for walks, it is so easy to look at what everyone else has. Some people have some pretty amazing  landscaping. Some lawns are bright green with criss cross mowing patterns akin to a baseball field. My neighbors vegetable garden looks like the Garden of Eden. We look around. We compare.

And I wonder how much energy can get wasted looking around. Wishing. Envying. Working to make it be like everyone elses.

Rather than just tending to my own. Weeding my own. Covering and protecting vulnerable parts when the storms pass through. Cutting back and pruning when necessary. Picking the bounty when its ripe. Reading among my bulbs. Rolling in the grass with my son. Working within our own limits and values.

Watering my own garden.

What is the saying:? "The grass is always greener ... Where you water it" 

Where else do we do this. In life. Compare and envy and judge and work against our own nature. Work. School. Parenting. Vacations. Money. Stuff.  Politics.

And its not to say we cannot learn from each other. My neighbor has given us wonderful gardening tips. Some we take and use and have been utterly helpful. And some we choose not to. I see "information" people post on Facebook. Some I read and roll my eyes to and some I find pieces of value in for my own life and incorporate. 

Sometimes I need to just enjoy looking at what my neighbor has and appreciate. Sometimes I need to look ahead, put fb and my phone away. Sometimes I need to eliminate excuses and just get to work on my own piece of earth. 

its hard to tend to my own garden when i am using all of my energy comparing it to everyone elses. It's difficult to appreciate by bounty, my blessings , when my focus is elsewhere. 

And when I tend to what I have. I find that I in turn have more to give. I can give tomatoes and applesauce back to my neighbors. Teach my son a new skill. 

May I remember to let go of envy. And water my own garden. 

Spotlight: Stepping Stone Farms

I have been a woman of many ideas and dreams.

With each of those my life could have gone in so many different directions.

One of these dreams, and i am not sure when it started to form, is the idea that to use horses, especially rescue horses and abused/neglected people, especially children, to help heal each other. 

It has stayed in the back of my mind for some time. And in the mean time, I have gotten my Masters degree in counseling, worked in various areas of trauma and maintained my love of horses. Oh and started a family. :)

A few years ago I started seeing that there are places that are doing just this thing, in various ways. There is even an organized group called EAGALA that does Equine Assisted Psychotherapy and trains people in it. Another organization exists doing the same thing called OK Corral. I have been dong research on them and following where all of their trainings take place and what agencies and organizations actually practice this.

However I have remained stuck in actually doing nothing for a long time. 

Something in the past few months has clicked and changed for me. I have worked through a lot of my own barriers and fears and to make a long story short, I finally signed up for a training in Equine Assisted Psychotherapy. And the OK Corral series happened to have a training about 35 minutes north of me last month. So I went. It was at Stepping Stone Farm in Franklin, WI

And this act of actually signing up has set a ball in motion for me. I cannot begin to tell you how nervous I was going to this training, not knowing a single person. but hoping to learn something and make some connections. And I was able to do both.

a few pictures from the farm and the 3 day training:

Lia, the head honcho at Stepping Stone made it clear immediately that they were looking for help. I did not know exactly what that meant or looked like so I eventually spoke to her during the training and after. And have since been working with her to develop some programs, help recruit some fundraising help, going to networking events and actually counseling a group of veterans who come out on Friday mornings. I am stunned by how the veterans are able to open up let their guard down with the horses. "Its like they get me" they say. And the farm is safe and peaceful.

A lot of work that I can do at home, except Friday mornings, and Ben gets to come with me and experience farm life.

Lia works so hard and is so passionate about the work on her farm. And did I mention that most of the horses on her farm ARE RESCUE HORSES!! Each with their own rescue story.

this horse is Nina, so far one of my favorites

Stepping stone farm rehabs these rescue horses, uses them to teach riding lessons, do equine assisted psychotherapy, equine assisted learning and therapeutic riding. We are also working on having workshops, team building, and camps using EAP/EAL. 

Stepping Stone is a non for profit and runs primarily on the heart of Lia, many volunteers and many generous donors who believe in what they do.

I am a believer. 

And so they are my other organization I am running the Biggest Loser Half Marathon for in September this year. Would you consider donating to their cause? My goal is $500

If you are unable to donate financially, can you do one of the following for me?:

- share this cause with friends and encourage them to donate

-keep this organization and its clients in your thoughts and prayers

to donate go here:

Sweet 16

I love the 13th

It has been our "count the months" day. Which is so much fun, as so much happens in these fast precious months of our son's first years.

Today marks 16 months. 

And today he did one of my favorite things yet. 

We love reading books. This farm book is one of our favorites. 

As we turned to this page, we asked Ben where the kitty was on the page. And sure enough, he pointed to it. And my heart swelled with pride at this new little marker of brain development/intelligence. 

Other honorable mentions in this past week or 2 include:

- spinning around in circles (probably from watching Ms. Becka)

- hugging and kissing when we ask him to

- walking himself all the way down the street on the sidewalk. (and his general love for the outdoors. He could be outside all day long if we let him)

-playing on this new slide

I love watching his personality develop too. He is so sweet. Loves to laugh. Cuddly. Is a little mischievous. has gotten pretty good with "no" so far (with a little work). Is fearless. And is kind and gentle with animals. And plays independently pretty well. I have been so lucky with how "easy" he is. 

And it has gone by so fast. 

And I am loving every crazy moment.